Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
We need a plan...
Find random men. Use them as sexual objects. There's our plan.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
Dude, you need to understand there is a fine line between "guilty pleasure" and in the closet gay
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I learned a very valuable lesson tonight...don't touch a cops tazer
I NEED TO TAKE A FUCKING BREAK. MY VAGINA IS SMOKING.
He started praying immediately after we hooked up, condom on and everything.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
