I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
Just because I stayed up all night betting on Australian Horse Racing doesn't mean I have a gambling program.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Please stop telling my mom she doesn't have nipples when she's been drinking. You know shell show you. Forcefully.
Randomize
