is she serious with that outfit? Why doesnt she just paste a for sale sign on her boobs?
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
Good to know: if a hot girls asks to go back to my place, she probably just needs to vomit all over my bathroom
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize
