Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
id fuck shawn from boy meets world only if we could name the baby topanga.
I'm drunk. And at a vegan cafe. You would hate it. Don't tell my hipster friend but I kinda hate it too.
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Yes, but if I hadn't gotten here early, I never would have seen the butch lesbian midget waddling down stairs from the bar. Worth every minute of drinking alone.
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
It's like we're in an emotionally distant three-way and there's not even sex to show for it.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
Randomize
