we better have passed that bar exam - i dont want to have to drink like this again
It was all fun and games until Tim shit on the end table
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Farmville is her only friend.
Hey man sorry, can't talk. I'm already taking risks by ripping the bong on this conference call.
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
We have angered the beer gods. It feels like I'm shitting angry cats.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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