This random guy asked me if I had downs. I was like up yours! And I got out of his car.
It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
Is it because I queefed?
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Never underestimate the healing power of vomiting and a bath.
He dumped me and I don't wanna fuck his best friend for revenge. Is this what maturity feels like?
He has to watch his girlfriends kitten. Even when she is in Vegas, her pussy keeps him from getting into mine.
So my mom and I were talking about what I should get you for christmas. She made it clear I cannot get christmas lingerie.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Getting my nails done with Diana... I'm going for the keep your friends close and the girl who's dating the guy you want to fuck closer
You installed a beer holder in the shower?! You're the best roommate ever!
... That's a shower caddy.
I believe this is a toe-mate-toe vs. toe-maut-toe situation.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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