well if you came here i would keep you awake :*
did you just kiss me??? ... dude, im not gay
Nothing commands respect in a meeting like Jack Daniels on the breath. You're fine.
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I just found out I lost my virginity the same day my parents did, 25 years later. This is my life.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
I do not mind being torn from the first touches of sleep to see a man who looks like that
That's why my New Years resolution was no more blondes. They're all bad news
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
But unlike the human Walter the plant Walter will someday grow to satisfy my needs
Randomize
