I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
Avril Lavigne as a judge on Idol wearing devil ears. it's like every boner you ever had in 2002 just came true.
sorry for covering your dog in whipped cream. his bark made it sound like he wanted it.
When he went down on me, I saw his bald spot... It completely ruined the experience
Ahhh November 1st. National Untagging Day
So you used a whole package of smoked meat last night. Didn't eat it, just took it out and put it all over the fridge.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
CHEMICAL ENGINEER. God my mom would be so proud of me.
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
He showed up at my house with roses and a bottle of vodka... to watch a movie. obvi i took the vodka and didn't sleep with him
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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