If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
i knew it was time to leave when he woke me up only wearing pooh bear oven mitts and holding a plate of thank you pancakes
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I was so high I thought there were pigeons in my room. Long story short there are now donut crumbs all around my bedroom.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
She took the fish and put it in the hot tub, then turned on the jets. She said she was training it for the Olympics.
Pretty sure this ice cream truck is following me.
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
How’s the date going?? Do you think he’s gonna cut your face off and wear it to his birthday party?
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
