1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
She uses empty wine bottles as book ends. 2 on each side. At least 8 shelves.
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
Dude they have your information. Come back. The sheriffs office is here, they are pissed..please come back otherwise jail is inevitable. Call me
Do what your heart wants. . .
My heart wants to rip his balls off and tie therm to his head using his penis
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Thank you for not puking on my lap during the first class of the semester. And fuck you for doing it in the second.
We got out of the car in valet drinking beers we gave the valet one as a tip
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
on a campus of 30,000 people, i should not be able to see every single guy I've ever hooked up with at one party.
Randomize
