Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
woke up with a used condom shoved in my ear. i officially hate alcohol.
I know you're trying to keep the moaning to a minimum but the banging on the wall is totally giving you away
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
The intern claims someone glued plastic eyeballs to his penis last night. He going to show everyone in the conference room at 3pm. There is a $5 cover charge.
Remember that time i gave you head on MY birthday and you made me stop so you could watch the rhino part in 300
which one of you assholes put my new jeans down the garbage disposal?!
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
I don't think I'm ever gonna need a boyfriend again. I have a body pillow, a vibrator, and I'm strong enough to open my own jars.
She grabbed the other one and started playing tug-o-war against the blonde chick. I told you getting my nipples pierced was a good idea
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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