I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
All I did this weekend was get my life in order. I feel like I wasted my time.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
drunk. just smoked a spliff with a 19yr old hungarian bike taxi driver and bonded over the difficulties of getting weed in a different country. idk y shit like this isnt in the study abroad info packets
That's cool. At least the punch line of my story isn't I shit in a booth at Denny's.
You're gonna be proud in the future that you fucked the next bill gates
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
Drake has all the answers
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
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