I'm drunk at a fancy martini bar, wearing jeans, drinking cheap vodka that I brought in my purse. Got thrown out of court for using my cell phone. All in all calling Thursday a success.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
The trashcan full of everclear punch caught on fire...you should probably come home now.
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
Your clever response has earned you a blow job this week
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
I could be the Kenny Powers of Sex Therapists.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
