In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I need Christmas break to be over. I'm tired of fucking my old High School girlfriends
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was adopted and used to dance at Sapphire. just my speed.
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
Dude, please wake him up, there are pills all over the floor and hes the only one who knows which ones to take simultaneously.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I figure hes like disneyworld. You know youre only going once or twice in life. Might as well have fun and ride the rides
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
Three Asian guys got on the elevator with a handle of Hennessey and a sleeping bag. This is not the start of a joke.
I just used the proceeds from selling my ex's engagement ring to fund my first date with another girl.
So how do I get back in good graces for trying to trade you for superbowl tickets?
No we were too stoned to stop you from wiping the peanut butter all over the car.
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