Party's warming up, a tranny just got here...
I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
He just washed his hands with scrubbing bubbles yelling "They work hard so I don't have to!"
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize
