i wonder if detective benson from law and order takes those handcuffs home. i bet she does.
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
i preemptively threaten to cock slap your kids if they are snobby yuppy bitches
Can't decide which I like more. Telling a girl she's pregnant or telling her she has herpes. It's the little things that make medicine tolerable.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
THE VODKA TRAIN IS NOW PULLING INTO THE STATION
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
as a side note pls kill me
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