I puked the same amount of times as the number of bars i went to last night
sorry about calling you the devil all night.
I'd like to say he was whispering sweet nothings into my ear all night but really he was just whispering "pussyyy"
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
btw im using a cooler as a purse cause i love string cheese
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
Singing high school musical songs with an old Russian woman I met on the bus. What are you doing?
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
Would you judge me if I made John grow a bush while he is in Cancun so he doesn't cheat on me?
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
why is there glitter IN my vagina????
I AM OFFICIALLY LICENSED TO BE A LESBIAN
The first thing he said was that my underwear smelled like Trix but then he looked up at me and whispered "Silly rabbit, vagina is for me."
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