You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
I woke up and she had washed, dried, folded my clothes, cooked me breakfast, and had started cleaning my room
haha, you sure you didnt fuck your mom?
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
Craig, a bottle of Jamison, and I had a party on the roof last night. No idea how I got down. My injuries indicate fall...
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
I've been wearing the same clothes for 3 days and they're covered in franzia
Whoever decided to put a Denny's that close to the strip club is a genius.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
He put his SoundCloud on his Tinder bio. I felt personally attacked.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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