just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
omg i just made best friends with a deer. Im like the drunk santa clause.
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
9 am booty call on your ex's birthday. Fuck yea
its times like this i wish i didnt have a penis
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
The air taste purple.
Randomize
