dude..why do i always have to pick up the kitty litter after you drink?
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
I fully committed to my astronaut costume, to say the least. blacking out on moonshine and having a moonwalk of shame this morning: happy Halloweekend.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Randomize
