So on facebook, the pictures from my church mission trip are right up next to the pictures of my first time on E. Sorry Jesus.
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
you would not believe what I got pierced last night...
son, I feel like that is a phrase a father never wants to hear.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
Blood drive hookups: you will probably faint during the sex, but at least you know neither of you has AIDS
I heard porn and smelled bacon cooking. I knew you had to be home.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
Im gonna get home and destroy this bag of chicken nuggets with my soul.
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home