his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
they ran out of ice so they are using frozen shrimp in their drinks
Satisfying Perfect Camera Moments
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
There's banana everywhere and your hamster may or may not have stayed the night in the microwave...
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
This Dog Travel Carrier is a Must
And THIS is why we get drunk. No good story, documentation, or event happens by eating a salad. Alcohol consumption leads to good things
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
I've had more orgasms than showers this week.
i just saw a man in the grocery, sitting on the floor, eating out of a galon sized tub of macaroni salad. We need to get on his level.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.