Nah got too drunk to function...probably could have dragged something home over my shoulder if the cops didn't roll
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
The 19 Strangest Things People Use To Get Off
my fraternity brothers just had an intervention for me. i either have a problem or am just on some next-level shit, im gonna go with door number 2
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
These 25 Normal Couples Tried Porn Moves During Sex And It Ended Horribly
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
It's my 3rd annual 21st birthday party. Disney themed. There will be blood.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
I wish I saved his nudes so I could anonymously submit them to his tumblr
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?