Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I told my ex i loved him and then he sent me a picture of this girl laying on his bed.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.