im on my way to getting "i just graduated college with no money, no job, and no plan" drunk
it was like she wanted to be a once a week night stand
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
through my window right now you can see the hot chick next door is standing BUTT ASS NAKED eating peanut butter off a knife.
ill be there in 5.
He tried to cuddle with me after we hooked up and i just looked at him and said why are you still here?
i was staring at her drunk thinking "shes at least a four"
This guy punched out a light, puked in the sink, stole the mailbox, then tried to tell ME that I had to leave the party... Then his dog shit on the floor.
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
Well I took a spicy wing shit in a field this morning.
My husband has seen you naked more times this week than me. I don't consider it a bad thing since you keep bringing the booze to our house. And because my tits are bigger.
These are the last few fleeting sober moments of the day for me. If there is anything you need me to do today, please tell me now
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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