So now everyone thinks I don't know what a condom is
Racial profiling caused me to miss two cabs but the third cabs the charm - he's playing Jesus Music
I'm gonna laugh so hard when we're both married with families
That statement alone makes me laugh so hard.
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
23 Insane Reasons People Got Fired
I saw a girl walking around campus with bandages on both her knees. I need to get her number.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
These 31 Gross People Really Put The ‘Trash’ In ‘Trashed’
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
He thought he was ordering for the whole party so when he came back with thirty burritos and four of us were left, he wasn't happy
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina