i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
im gay
i know
yea but for you.
Learned a lot. Like boys with frosted tips still exist. And that they're sensitive to constructive criticism.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
is it sad that i can describe this night as "the night that i was sober" and we all know which night it was. like literally one night of sobriety.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
She got engaged last night. I don't think you should ask her out man.
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Sooooooo, maybe just fucked on a motorcycle.
ok so you're 100% sure this time that he isn't your ex in disguise again?
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
Randomize
