mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you know your drunk when 7 soccer players cant catch up to a tranny in high heels who just stole your wallet
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
i stuck my finger in my ass and it felt weird. but you know. it should be different when a guy does it right?
I always have to poop after I paint my nails. It never fails.
you know by doing this we are using dad as a drug mule right?
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
I was in the bathroom puking up mountains of tequila and when he came to help me, I held the door shut and kept yelling at him to let me be a lady.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I told him I was on the pill and it was OK to fire away. I want to never have to wear panty house or ever go to an office again. This is my early retirement plan. I want half of his NBA money.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
