Facebook is used to stalk your friends, Twitter is used to stalk celebritie=s, and Myspace is used to stalk underaged girls. Everything else is porn. T=he Internet in a nutshell.
This is much more drunk than i was intending for a wednesday
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I'm too socially awkward and sexually frustrated to get through this evening sober.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
he just fluffed my hair and told me I had to dance with him because we were both gingers.
Fly, little bird! Repopulate the ginger race!
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
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