why didn't you poke me back
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
you know what scares the shit out of me? i have eaten bagel bites since i was a little kid and just in the past five years they started puting "made with real cheese" WHAT THE FUCK WERE THEY USING BEFORE? i mean ive been a bagel biter since the womb
recycled a plan b box. kill a baby. save a tree.
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
Randomize
