how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
He has a clip art-style heart tattooed on his hip. I hated him way before I saw his tiny dick.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Its okay that he doesn't remember you, he only remembers girls by their boobs and I think you were wearing a jacket
The next time you fuck up, your grandma sees your dick pics
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
Just cuz u chase vodka with sweet tea doesn't make it sweet tea vodka
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
