some kid came into the principals office and tried to explain what he was sent there for through interpretive dance.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
I gotta stop tellin complete strangers at the bar that they're the godparents to my first born
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
Walked back to my room from the bus last night and all I see is 3 of my friends on the porch chugging whiskey and then throwing up in unison
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Last thing I remember I was riding on a picnic table being hauled around by a lawn mower with an empty case of bud light on my head...
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