he used the word "rubber" i just couldn't do it after that.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
The magic cards should have been the first clue. The comments that I have "amazing birthing hips" and that I'm "beautiful in a child bearing sort of way just sealed his fate.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
it was like a congratulatory penis slap
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
my personal favorite... An "I'm sorry you broke your finger and cant play sports for awhile" blowjob!
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
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