I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
It's official. Hawaii is 100% better when you're stoned.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I feel like telling him your vigina was older than him was not a good pick up line.
Probably not well advised, but you're welcome to stop by if your not ready to end your night. You know, for Thanksgiving's sake.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Molly was fun. I was in a captain planet onesie in Wal-Mart talking to everyone haha
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
all i want in life is a shot and a cock is that too much to ask
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
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