you took him to the bathroom with you to pee and told him he had to hold your hand..but he couldn't turn on the lights because you didnt want him to hear you peeing..and still got laid. i wish i had your life.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
Dude she was 62...with a boob job. And I'm proud to say I made out with that.
This Xanax laced vodka tonic will help me forget that all these spring breakers are all young enough to have been my students.
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
someone made her a trophy at 4 in the morning and presented it to her in the bathtub
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
Randomize
