I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
Everything smells like syrup. But I guess that's better than last time when everything smelled like beer.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
I just remember being happy that I got that toilet fixed so I had somewhere close to throw up
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
Big girls don't cry they get day drunk
yes and no. im drunk but idk if im "blow marcus" drunk. call in like an hour.
My whole family just stopped to look at me and aknowledge how fucked up I am.
Drunk packed a lunch. Made two turkey sandwiches and threw in a bag of raw bacon. Gold star for the day drunk self.
I have aggressive nipples.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
So I was laying on the couch reading a book and he texted me. All I saw was the image of him spitting on my vagina last night in the moonlight. I gagged.
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
