saw him outside... he got fatter, i got blonder. the winner is obvious.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
No I am not eating basil off your cock
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
The cops are here to take me to jail, so I guess I have to go with them. If I'm not out by 6 p.m., there is some left-over lasagna in the fridge for you.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
My flask has coffee in it for finals week.. So that's responsible right?
VAL. THIS MOTHERFUCKER IS LAYING IN MY BED WEARING A CAT SHIRT, VAL. COME SAVE ME, VAL.
You were throwing up into a trash can full of used condoms. I had to intervine.
All i want from a relationship is to get drunk watch pirates of the Caribbean and have sex
Randomize
