You made me cry and you don't even care
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
i turned job hunting into a drinking game..
If I die tonight, I want you to know that your sister is awesome in bed
Is drinking merlot and watching womens figure skating by myself gay?
The google font looked peculiar last night, but then up close I realized it was just dry vomit.
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
... Already stepped in vomit and got a dirty look from a fat in a neck brace
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
i have 90 minutes to kick this food poisoning or josh's first experience with buttsex will be his last
drunk her ninja stole one of the pizzas as it arrived and hid all of the pieces in a cereal box in the fridge.Genius.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
I woke up with a thorn in my belly button. A THORN!
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