I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
I am not hooking up with him just to see what his penis looks like.
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
She accidentally pre-ordered us Dominos for the next day at 11:30am... we were very confused when we woke up.
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
He said female orgasms are a myth and refuses to even try to give me one.
We ate a mysterious delivered pizza which no one ordered and then the wii wouldn't work so 20 of us watched porn on two laptops. Drunk took the awkward away.
My only regret is that I have but one penis to give to your vagina.
I just realized I consumed seven different types of alcohol this weekend. And I'm only counting jungle juice as one of those. How the fuck did I not die?
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
Woke up in bushes at UT didn't know I was Austin last night
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Randomize