There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
well i just puked at a family gathering so i can cross that off the bucket list
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
Her hair smelled like a rat dipped in mustard on fire
Are they hot? And are the slutty? These are my concerns for any wedding. You say yes, and yes, I will be your best man
those 9 inches of man changed my life forever.
Well someone has to be the Christmas slut at the family dinner. I suppose it's my year to fill those shoes.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
I figure that my generation of my family needs an alcoholic. I'll take that burden.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
I am luring the porn star to my house with chicken!
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Randomize
