now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
got a scholarship and a hot psych teacher. hello spring 2010
my dad's beating me at drinking again. No matter what i do I can't win.
I mean, I know they're ugly, but I cant turn down a birthday threesome.
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Im the proud new owner of the campus speed bump sign
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I was just wicked nice to a telemarketer... that's how stoned this woman got me.
They have beer where we have blood.
I'm allotting you four buildings to piss on tonight. Choose wisely.
I supernannyed him into submission
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
Randomize
