My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Apparently my type is "guy whose parents had unprotected sex on Halloween". Last week was my ex's, my FWB's, and the guy I'm seeing's birthdays.
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
So if your sore it's because you tried to tackle a tree last night. When I told you at the party, you said "What do you expect, I'm an athlete!"
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