She said I was really immature but whatever...oh by the way we just bought a toilet and turned it into a beer bong so come over
8th day he invented the big mac, 9th he invented pop rocks, 10th day boobs.
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
He was about to puke, and so I handed him an empty beer can. In retrospect, not very helpful.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
She just laid there, sucking on a piece of steak, with the most content look on her face. Just before she passed out (steak still on her mouth) she said the cat box needed to be emptied
The best part about being single is knowing how much everyone secretly creeps behind their gf/bfs back. You wouldn't believe..Have a great date night!
There is a high possibility I will pass out with my hand in a bag of Doritos
Her son walked into the middle of the living room, took off his diaper, shit on the floor, smiled at me, and walked out, as if nothing happened.
So date night went well?
It's so Britney 2007, you know?
Why is there a condom in my ukulele?
Never go to your parents' super bowl party. I learned, in great detail, "Why Aunt Trisha is a hoe" Not enough beer on the eastern seaboard.
I have had flashes of 69ing, a strawberry flavored condom and begging him to sleep naked.
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