And then she started grabbing onto random guys legs, asking their names, and if they wanted to be friends... Haha, I love when the girls my ex's are dating are total drunken whores.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
I feel like I'm taking part in a surprise porno. At least my hair looked good.
I'm not sure if it was sex or spear fishing. He goes in for it like he's crash landing a rocket
He knows my period schedule but not my work schedule.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
Luke did at least 8 shots of pure mayonnaise last night. I am not sure if that is better or worse than my 2 cement mixers?
okay i am so sorry that i pulled a knife on you last night but seriously that woman knows how to throw a party.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
He slapped my ass... He best ask me out. Or figure out how to unslap my ass.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
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