She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Did I change midway through last night?
Seven times. The most notable outfits were UFC Fighter and Top Hat Viking
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
She had a baby Jesus butt plug
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Two of the boys I banged while living in that house are about to move into it hahhaaha
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
Randomize
