my roommate and her friend got reaallllly high last night and it looks like they played scrabble. one of their words is "nippal"
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
If we don't get kicked out of this hotel tonight for fucking too loud we're breaking up
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
You're finding a boat, I'm going to sleep with a guy that lives above a bar and has 24 hour access. We are really nailing this adulting thing
When a guy invites you to dinner and breakfast the next day it's implied that he's going to make some sweet loving in betwixt correct?
PUT DOWN THE JOINT AND STEP AWAY FROM THE TRUSTAFARIAN
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
