i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
I only wish the guy being lead around by his cock at the drag show was the weirdest part of my night.
Ideas for halloween. We need simple yet hilarious. Cheap yet effective. Slutty yet acceptable. Go.
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
My very favorite thing in the whole world is when guys try to booty call her as I'm fucking her. Sucks to suck.
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I came so hard my entire leg seized. Her blowjob gave me a Charlie horse.
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
