I didn't go out last night, but I dreamed that I blacked out and the *CRAZY* thing I did was to eat 12 cupcakes off 12 diff plates and stack them up neatly. If I had a life, I'd hate it.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
Just saw a girl in a wheelchair puke then rally. Diversity matters.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
He poured syrup on all those broken dishes because "syrup is magical, and by the time we wake up, they'll be fixed."
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
She thinks I come over for the sex, but I really come for the snacks.
We dropped so many bottles they would only give us plastic cups. We actually drank ourselves back to preschool.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
Was it cause you feel bad for the ridiculousness my vagina goes through because same
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
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