I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
Just got my cast off. My occupational therapist wants me to self-gratify. My clit is about to have an awesome weekend...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
What happened to the good old days when we whispered the words beer pong and people came running?
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
Lost my pants last night. Really need to stop taking shots of whiskey like I'm eating skittles.
Reverse road head. Sa-witch!!!
Randomize
