$35 all you can drink last night. Friend 1 woke up in a hotel lounge, friend 2 pissed himself and woke up wearing friend 1's spare pants, and my toilet indicates I threw up extensively.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
This show inspires me to have sex in space
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
I haven't taken a solid shit in four weeks. Do you know what started four weeks ago? Alcohol and dining hall food. Fucking college.
Fuck that, come home. Let's get drunk and judge people.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
Are you awake? I feel like I need to confess my sins to someone not on this side of the country.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
