My grandmother just called to say she disowned me. Apparently I uploaded a video to Youtube of me dancing nude with a blow-up doll named Dorothy, last night. You are so fired from being damage control.
We video chatted for almost two hours. But I woke up with puke on my keyboard. The question of the day: were we still chatting when I vommed? No idea.
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
It's amazing the difference a day and 2000 mg of antibiotic make. Nine days to go.
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
I have 7 papers to write and I already bought gas station ice cream in my pjs and questioned whether or not a beer float was a thing.
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
In case you were wondering I realized something last night, Rick James was correct. Cocaine is a hell of a drug.
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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