No, computers are like whores. moody bitches that cost too much and no matter how much protection you have you can still get a virus
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
I love how I just got my coachella ticket and ecstasy in a package deal.
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
her cat was choking so she kept trying to stick her finger in her cat's mouth while saying "it's okay kitty, just do what mommy does"
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
Call me when you get up. This hang-over is like dismantling a bomb: I need someone to talk me through it.
I am making pancakes and watching Spongebob Squarepants. My life is a waste of youth.
Ever since the Christmas fiasco of '08, I can no longer watch Rudolf the Red nosed reindeer without getting a hard on
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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