I smell stomach acid.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
Sorry for face planting onto the table with all our alcohol on it
Nope. Too much basics going on right now. I'm tying you both up and throwing you to the vibrating sexy toy sharks. You shall either sink or get off gloriously.
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
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