I'm drive I can fine osifer
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
My mom is making me buy a single zucchini, I look like someone who can't afford a dildo
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
I think the waitress doesn't beleive I have friends coming. I've had 4 drinks and a large salad just waiting for you guys.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
There's a difference between southern and inbred. She just doesn't know that yet.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
Randomize
