the condom got lost in my hair
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
Wait..I think something else did happen last night my vagina is too pleased for this level of hangover..
she was literally 3 feet away from the garbage can, said she couldn't make it, and then proceeded to vomit on the floor in front of everyone in the restaurant
I just want dates and sex but the option to have that with whoever whenever I want
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
Is "I am going to murder you if you keep sending me requests that I cannot fulfill" unprofesh?
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
