i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
And leave it to John to ask the cabby to make a Porno in his cab
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Don't know why you're always hating on relationships. I've had chocolate pancakes accompanied by a blowjob and a blunt and it's not even 9 am. Time for mid morning shower sex. Enjoy your morning bong bowl alone asshole
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
Is there some sort of line being crossed when your shower activities start to involve jimmy johns?
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I'm going to leave the 5 dollars that fell out of my bra while fucking in his room on the dresser as an apology
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