Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
He was probably pissed, but i couldn't tell for sure. How pissed can someone really look while holding a fishbowl mimosa?
Aren't you glad we're at the point in our relationship where I don't even ask why you're hiding in the cabinet?
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
he's smothering me... and not in the good, can you move your thigh off my face please?.. way
we woke up when the front wall of the house caught fire.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
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