dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
the last thing i remember is fucking her. GAME CHANGER i woke up in another bedroom to her younger sister blowing me
well when i got there she was attempting to stick the cat in her mouth.. so maybe you should go check on her
They are literally fucking next to the DJ Booth to a techno Remix to Pacman. She is going waka waka waka. WHY ARE YOU NOT HERE FOR THIS?!
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
so just saw tiger woods pull a page out of his wifes book and hit some kid in the head with a golf club
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
3pm strippers are depressing
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I'm intrigued by how his mouth tasted the same as his dick.
my goldfish that i got the day i lost my virginity just died. im terrified as to what this symbolically means for my sex life
He wouldn’t know a good thing if it bit him on the ass. Which, btw, I did.
Randomize
