I got fucking wesley sniped last night by that power hoe. How'd it end up on your end? Did you canoodle the stripper enough for her to agree to go to formal?
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
If im paying 4grand for laser eye surgery, it better help with beer goggles cuz last night was pretty rough.
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
I'm just here to guide your spirit, avoiding herpes is on you though
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
Please assure him that the flying penis statue is for display purposes only.
Well, I guess that's how life goes for my dad. One minute you're walking with your cooler on the afterglow of a Lynyrd Skynyrd concert, the next you find your grown son choking out a drunk redneck against your pickup truck.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
I mean obviously I like your dick... Jury is still out on you but your dick is good
Randomize
