Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
And then somehow we were arguing over how to fold our arms
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
I don't know man. I fell outside Pizza Hut and an employee had to perform first aid. But I think I got free pizza. So it was worth it.
I just remembered touching your bosses wife's fake tits last night. Thanks again for taking me to your work function.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
Randomize
