I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
The best thing he's ever done for me was comment on my profile picture saying "hello boner"
He said I was trying to make the bouncer dance with me AS he was throwing me out
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
Saw a guy throw up on himself while walking, drinking, and singing all at the same time. Hope your night is going better than his :)
Seriously this night has "go home now before you cry, puke or scream on someone" written all over it.
It was kinda hard to explain to his wife why there was chocolate syrup on the ceiling.
We can put you in charge of something
I can be in charge of being more wasted than anyone there so everyone feels comfortable being ridiculous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
We exchanged spring break stories last night. Open relationships are the best.
She started throwing ice at me and started yelling, "Holy water bitches! This is an exorcism!"
Hey before you quit, let me sell drugs to your boss at least one more time
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
just answer this one ? for me. why is there human shit in my shower right now?
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