Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
More or less binge drinking as a giant grape seemed justified
She gave such good road head it was turned into side-of-the-road head for everyone's safety
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Well I can cross 'get my dick slathered in coconut oil while watching the bob's burgers porn parody' off my bucket list.
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Randomize
