so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
