Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
its raining. im dressed as yoda and im trick or treating alone. and i wonder why im still a virgin..
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i cant answer while inside this church craft show. so unless you're outside with my engagement ring and a nonfat gingerbread latte, it'll have to wait.
obviously he wasnt ready for this jelly and you can quote me on that
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
There are leaves in my underwear?
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