All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
this blows. i told the guy at the bar that i was the DD and it was like i just announced over megaphone that i had genital herpes. no one will talk to me now.
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...
It was dumb but not something to force me into sobriety
How long until you're healed?
Physically? A week or so. Emotionally? The scars of dislocating my knee at a frat and flashing my panties to the whole crowd wi never heal.
MY HAND WILL BE UP HIS ASS IF HE DOES NOT APOLOGIZE FOR WHAT HE DID. IT WON'T BE THE GOOD-FEELING KIND OF "HAND-UP-ASS" EITHER.
Randomize
