I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Yo dude either Brian has herpes or he was jerking off to Web MD 'cause I just walked in on him
Sketchest drug deal yet.... I just got paid in quarters and chucky chesse tokens. I need to stop hooking my friends up.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I just replaced the poop spray with an air horn... Now we wait!
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
They should incorporate dolphins into professional surfing
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
This is Ryan, Kristin's husband. I don't know if you meant to send that pic to me at 3am. You may want to call Kristin. Neat piercing though.
This is not okay. I only like one boy. I should like 200 boys and be having wild unprecedented sex. Instead I like one boy whose a born again virgin.
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