weddingsv make me drug and hornr
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
and then he publicly announced her herpes on facebook.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
You walked up to me, grabbed my face and said "I just peed in the sink!"
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
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