I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
OMG. if college stays like this, theres no way i wont be pregnant by first semester
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
You want to groom your chest hair? You mean with a little baby chest hair brush? Because that sounds adorable.
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
You handed me an unpeeled grapefruit off the frat basement floor and then took a bite out of it.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
Randomize
