Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
genius idea. im gonna paint my penis green like the serpent of sex
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
French fry pizza
Are you brilliant or just really high?
Can't it be both?
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Dude walks in wearing jean shorts and a graphic tshirt and goes home with an attractive female. EXPLAIN YOURSELF UNIVERSE.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You know you turned your life around when your drunk eating salad at 3 am on a Friday night
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
She was hammered and showed her gay best mate a pic of my cock, his response was "I fucked the wrong brother"
On a side note apparently my brother is gay
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
Randomize
