remember facepaint boy? turns out it stains. aaaand i have it all over my face and neck.
Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
On a side note, my ex husband offered to buy me shrooms
first he passed out on the toilet...then hugged it and screamed no no no as i tried to pull him out
Randomize
