There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i think i have herpe
just one?
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I like it here so far, only people are a lot less accepting of my terrible decisions and it's cramping my style
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
Randomize
