it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
the moment when you open a dick pic with your mom in the car... On your moms phone... Of your dad... Scarred for life
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
I use my feet as sexual weapons
She grinded so hard on my face that I've got rugburn on both eyelids
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