Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
you opened the fridge, pissed on the food, fell over, then threw up on yourself. thats whats all over the kitchen.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
all I got out of honors convocation is I've hooked up with a lot of smart guys
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
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