Flowers- 20. Dinner-50. Drinks- 25. Hotel- 150. The look on his face when I tell him I'm on my period? Priceless.
By the way, shout wipes are a gift from god for people that throw up on themselves.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
apparently i was cut off before i even walked in
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
No seriously stop! I feel bad for him. It isn't even big enough to make fun of. It's so small that it's like a disability.
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I was scared that I should know him but I was too busy blacking out to remember
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
It's a sad night when one of your friend texts you that she's going on a date with someone you know and then invites you to maybe have a drink after
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Randomize
