dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
I wish Michael J Fox could read me bedtime stories
He could rock you to sleep
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
found a cell phone. in the freezer. wrapped in bologna. explain?
You sat there for 20minutes trying to seduce the picture of my dad.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I thought you just gave him blowjobs and he criticized your drug use.
What's the mantra for Sunday?
I will not have sex with him.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Randomize
