I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
Looking for the remote in the couch. Finding Adderall beads. Considering utilizing.
How hard to you think I will be judged if I order 8 giant pickles from Jimmy Johns right now?
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I will not abuse the gift that was given to me
You were given a vagina and you abuse that pretty hard
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
