I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
im guessing your the one that tried to make bacon in the toaster
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
I'm using toast as a chaser. If I wasn't already so fucked up this would be revolting.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
She can be as judgemental as she wants. But she thinks the female orgasm is a myth so who is really winning here...
It was a blast. I was going to say that throwing up in the airport bathroom wasn't classy, but it's classier than quietly puking into a fast food cup while in your seat during takeoff...
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
I just passed a lady driving with a cat in a sweater sitting on her lap with its paws on the steering wheel
Only you....
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