Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
bahahaha. this guy working at subway literally has someone's name tattooed on his arm, crossed out, and another name below it.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
I'm really debating making a second facebook. Same name only with DRUNK at the end. That way I can keep the guys I only talk to when I'm drunk on that facebook and only go on it when im drunk.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I have found random beers stashed in my purse and microwave... Apparently I thought 2015 was gonna have a beer shortage
They are like the regular squirrels and we are flying squirrels
The two of us went back to your place, had sex, peed in cups, then i went home. Literally all i know
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
you scattered cereal all over the floor so you could "re-trace your steps and figure out what happened." 20 min later you yelled about the mess and let the dog in to clean it up. 5 min after that you screamed since the cereal was gone. you suspected me and locked me in the bathroom so i could "think about what i'd done"
and you bit everyone who tried to let me out. no more tequila for you. EVER.
Randomize
