Some girl just toasted to friendship and love. I want to break her neck.
JoAnns office is warmer than mine. . .it must be because she has the gateway to hell under her desk.
what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
Did you really end last night's sexting with "Stay thirsty my friend"?
All he wants to do is masturbate while I sit there with my big toe up his ass that is not even the worst part of it.
dude what did you give her she's eating her pocket lint
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Smoked a joint and chugged some pepto. Feeling a lil better... Not sure which is working..... Gonna keep doing both.....
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
You'll pass into the great gay beyond
Where it rains cosmopolitans and scantily clad gogo dancers of all genders direct traffic
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
I just opened a beer with a child's toy at a 5 year olds birthday....can you look up the next AA meeting?!!
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