I'm sending you this that that when you wake up and see the girl sleeping next to you, you know who to thank
I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
i called him pencil dick in front of over half of his fraternity brothers...
...never gotten so many high fives in my life! fuck ya i win!
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
when I sang my humps to you I meant it.
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Just walked into the bar to find a guy in a Boba Fett helmet leaning casually against the wall, texting. This night just got real.
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
It sucks laughing and vomiting at the same time, trust me. I kind of remember
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
I'm not wearing pants, but I'm wearing a tiara.
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
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